Jessica
In this week's episode Jess shares her parenting journey. Jess lives in New Zealand on the South Island "in the deep south" with her husband Jamie, their son Archie and two dogs Macey and Mo.
Jess and Jamie got married at a surprise ceremony on New Year's Eve in 2015. Following their honeymoon they moved to New Zealand. Jess reflects on the newlywed bubble and the massive shift in their life and priorities in the first year of marriage. "It was my first reckoning - wow we have actually done this, and now we need to... make it work. Yeah it was hard - but we were just rolling with it... We can do this... And we did!"
In 2017 they decided to start trying for a baby. "I was always of the mindset it had to be both of us... It has to come from a place of mutual understanding." Jess found out she was pregnant after a weekend away with friends. "I just had this overwhelming feeling..."
At the 12 week scan, Jess and Jamie were told that their baby didn't have a heartbeat. Jess speaks about how devastating this was, compounded by the challenges of navigating an unfamiliar system. "...Being in New Zealand, and I had made this place my home. I made sure that I always knew that.. I am really conscious of calling this place my home. This is where we were making our home. This is where we were making our family."
"I'm usually the one supporting other people... Whereas at this time I had no idea what to do. Jamie had no idea what to do."
Jess' story is raw and hugely powerful. It highlights the opportunities for improvement in the system. It highlights the power of language, the importance for health care providers to ask the right questions, offer timely information, and support. It highlights the importance of allowing families to honour their babies.
In March 2018 Jess found out she was pregnant. Jess reflects on the emotions she felt throughout her second pregnancy - the joy and the dread. Jess worked with the same midwife from her first pregnancy as her LMC (Lead Maternity Carer). Jess speaks so beautifully about the model of care in New Zealand - the power of being able to ask questions and form a relationship with your care provider from pregnancy in to postpartum.
At 36 weeks Jess' midwife flagged mild polyhydramnios - an increased volume of amniotic fluid. Jess felt really supported by her midwife, who walked her through what this might mean, and reassured her that this could be monitored "and that we didn't have to have this define any of our choices right now, or in labour yet."
Jess reflects on her relationship with her midwife, and having her Mum, Nan and sister at home with her, and the power in being completely supported and held. Jess went into labour, "I didn't know at the time... I had only contractions at night when I laid down." This continued for three days before Jess and her team decided to head to the hospital. During monitoring the team didn't pick up any contractions, and Jess was about to head home when during a check her midwife let her know she was 8cm dilated.
After a few hours Jess and her support team decided that the next best step was a caesarean section. Hearing Jess speak about those first few moments with Archie will give you prickly eyes.
Jess reflects on her postpartum period - feeling both incredibly supported, and "not like herself". It highlights the difference holistic care can have on families, what support can really look like, and that it does in fact take a village to raise a babe and hold a family.
Jess has kindly shared some resources that supported her throughout her parenting journey:
La Leche League NZ for breastfeeding support
midwife.org.nz for miscarriage information and support
mentalhealth.org.nz for postnatal support
Facebook/Instagram positive, inclusive support:
Breastfeeding Support Southland
BreastfedNZ
Laid back lactation
Ourmamavillage
RaisedGood
If you or someone you love is experiencing pregnancy loss, Pink Elephants helps those experiencing early pregnancy loss feel cared for, protected and understood. Pink Elephants provides resources, information and peer-support. Pink Elephants offers a single source of specialist support, whenever and wherever it’s needed — for anyone who has directly experienced it, for family and friends, corporate partners or healthcare professionals seeking proven ways to help.
Image by Christchurch Family Photographer
