Rafferty
In this week's episode Rafferty shares their parenthood journey. Raff's story is raw and so powerful, it was such an honour to listen to their journey so far.
Raff reflects on life pre parenthood 'I was very shut down, quite numb, shut down from my desires... I had spent a lot of time trying to fit in. I was quite isolated, even though I was surrounded by people…’ Raff was extremely unwell during their first pregnancy with undiagnosed hyperemesis gravidarum ‘I was very, very unwell. None of it was happening consciously, it was just survival mode from the very beginning.’ Raff reflects on their birth and speaks so powerfully about the care and support all families need and deserve in this season. ‘I was not treated as a divine being giving birth as a rite of passage… It was just not how it could have been.’ Raff was pregnant again with their second son at 16 weeks postpartum ‘I think part of that was desperately wanting a do over.’
Raff speaks about our need to come around new families, to shower them with the support and care they need and deserve and the profound transformation that comes with this season. ‘Motherhood cracked me open, woke me up and it was beautiful... but also shocking and alarming and disturbing. Becoming a parent was a bit of a wakeup call to myself that I was not living my best life or in alignment with who I actually am.'
Raff speaks openly and honestly about their mental health journey. Raff’s experience highlights the opportunities for growth and improvement in the mental health system, and the need for holistic care and support. Raff connected in with professional support but speaks so openly about how this needed to come with practical, emotional and spiritual support. ‘Nothing actually changed. Like all that changed was that I was taking meds now, but like my support structures didn’t change.’
‘I do want to be really clear. I loved being a mum. I love being a mum. I love it. I love my children. And I fucking hate doing it with so little support.’
When Raff was 28 weeks pregnant with their third child, their ex husband cheated on them. ‘That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It was hugely traumatic on its own, but on top of everything else I just hit I downward spiral.’ Raff talks about leaving, and being truly held and seen by their kinship network.
‘I had freedom to meet myself again. Underneath all the rubble of fuckery of putting everybody else before myself. I really had to like figure out who the fuck was actually under there.’
‘I feel very blessed that through the doula community I have found a lot of connection and solidarity with other mothers who have been deeply affected by mothering. They are the women that raised me. And held me. And showed me that there was a light at the end of this.’
Raff speaks so beautifully about the magic that happens when you show up as your true self, the power of finding your kinship network, the need for radical community care, and the profound transformation that comes with parenthood.
Raff reflects of family life now with their three children and partner Theo. Listening to Raff speak about co creating a life with Theo will give you all of the prickly eyes 'we are wildly in love... we find ways to keep coming together through it all.'
You can connect with Raff on instagram @veggiedaddy.doulaservices Raff's website is live now and you can access all of their offerings at veggiedaddy.com.au/
You can see photos of Raff at @kinbycharlotte and the In Your Own Kin website.
If you or someone you love is seeking mental health support, I encourage you to reach out to PANDA, COPE, Lifeline, Beyondblue, Gidget Foundation, your GP, Family Health Nurse or someone you trust for support.
@pandanational
@cope.org.au
@lifelineaustralia
@beyondblueofficial
@gidgetfoundation
